genies:

my parents failed to raise me to become an olympian, i’m so disappointed in them 

When I talk about the Arctic Monkeys to the people who don't know them: They're rarer than a can of dandelion and burdock and those other bands are just post mix lemonade.

didihearthereadyset:

So I accidentally said, “my crotch has a hole in it.” Instead of “my pants have a hole in them.” And this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered

"It’s called a vagina."

hellyeahyums:

the-gingerdancer:

sextronautt:

how can lawyers argue without crying 

or swearing

if i went into a courtroom i’d be all

now you fucking listen here you little cumslut 

"he has been found guilty

"HA IN YOUR FUCKING FACES, BITCHES."